Monday, May 21, 2012

Dancers and Leaders

Most people that know me, unfortunately quickly learn that my biggest weakness is the need to control.  Ever since I was a little girl, I have thrived on organization, structure and at the very least, the need to have a clean room.  Anything less was always unsettling to my young mind.  At 29, not much has changed and sadly, some of those tendencies have only worsened over the years.  Last week (and since writing this, today again), I experienced one of those realizations where it was finally time to make a trade:  control for freedom.

When I married my handsome groom 2 1/2 years ago, I realized that control was not really welcomed in a marriage.  He is one of the most patient men I know and thankfully has put up with my shenanigans over the last few years, especially when I wanted things done on my time and my way.  (Yes, selfishness seems to be a weakness, too.  I think control and selfishness must go hand-in-hand.  Go figure.)  Just in case you are newly married and want to tell your husband to pick up socks again or re-clean something, it's not worth it.  In fact, it can be border-line disrespectful, in my opinion.  Control can be a messy thing - and can corrupt your life.  Don't let it creep into your marriage, your workspace, or any other area of your life.  In the end, I have learned that control seems to be one of those battles that I have struggled with for years - even before Jeff was in the picture. 

My expectations were set above any bar and in order to reach them, it was as if I had to climb 1,000 staircases to even touch the first floor.  This led to sleepless nights, headaches, unhappy moments, and many tearful conversations.  It was not only wearing to my mind, it was damaging my heart.  It shouldn't surprise you that I realized last last week that I have lived many (unprofitable) years mentally exhausted, trying to control things that are out of total reach and simply just out of my control.  A hard lesson for such a stubborn soul to see.  Never was anything "in my control" to begin with anyway, except maybe the occasional disciplines like brushing your teeth or perhaps learning to study for a test weeks in advance rather than the night before?  Nonetheless, I look back at my life and review the blessings, the very unfortunate heartaches and believe this: 
It is always the best policy to trust Jesus. He will consistently take better care of our hearts and plans better than we ever could or ever will. Sounds so cliche, right?  But, so full of truth, friends!  The best part?  When He takes the lead, you will find yourself in a place of true freedom, and I believe there is no better place to live.  How many years have I been living in mental bondage, when all I needed was a time of surrender to my Savior?  I hate to even start calculating the math.  

Last Thursday, as I was cleaning, I landed on one of our music channels and found this catchy tune.  When I paused to listen to the lyrics, I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of the Lord saying, "This is for you."  I took a moment from cleaning and re-played it a few times - and found myself dancing with zero inhibitions.  Talk about a whole other kind of freedom! 

My favorite part of this song is not only the title, "You Lead," but the end of the chorus:  "I know what you've got for me, is more than I can see."  I kept thinking that as I moved around my living room.  How much greater are His plans than ours and what He has for us is more than we can see?  It reminds me of childhood, when all you wanted was to climb over the fence just to see the animals at the zoo, but Mom or Dad stopped you because what they saw on the other side, was far more dangerous than what you could see on your side.  Or what about the time as a young adult when you wanted so badly to date "Joe" or "Sue", but "someone" else saw him for what he/she was and chose to protect your heart instead or perhaps just had someone better for you around the corner?  As a Christian, I believe my path is directed by someone greater and His eyes see more than me.  I realize there will be bumps, STOP signs, and many "uneven" roads along the way, but I trust Him.  I give Him the control. 

I don't know where you are in your walk with Christ, or maybe you haven't yet given your life to Him or entrusted your path to His leadership.  But, let me tell you, there is some serious freedom when you give that up.  So much is completely out of our control.  I encourage you to live in freedom and allow Him to take the lead, I promise you - you won't regret it. 



  1. So in love of this! do you wanna follow each other?:X

  2. Thanks, Ioana-Carmen! I'm always looking to connect with another follower. Looks like you have a great website, too.

    Thanks for looking at my blog and reading my posts. Blessings!

  3. Emily!! This brought tears to my eyes it is so beautiful!! I'm so excited for what the Lord has in store for you!! Happy to know about your blog now!! You have a beautiful spirit and you're so talented!

  4. Thanks, Jessica! I appreciate your sweet words and encouragement!